


Boxers, Briefs, or Howling Commando?

by mckayla (steveromanov)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, I have no idea where this came from, Jane POV kinda, and this has zero plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 17:29:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4358012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steveromanov/pseuds/mckayla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Darcy guesses what type of underwear each male Avenger wears, but can't quite decide when it comes to Steve.</p><p>Natasha helps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boxers, Briefs, or Howling Commando?

**Author's Note:**

> i should be writing the third chapter to "i'll take this chance" but this came out instead? i'm not even sorry lmao
> 
> also my first time writing Darcy, and god do I love it

"Boxers."

Jane looked up from the croissant she was picking at and at Darcy, who was sitting on the counter besides Jane's plate. She immediately rolled her eyes at her friend. "I'm not playing this game with you."

The brunette didn't bother looking down at Jane. Instead, she kept her eyes trained on the Avengers, her legs swinging back and forth and her heel occasionally bumping against the wood. In the same casual tone as before, she repeated, " _Boxers._ "

"Darce, I'm  _really_ not playing this game with you," Jane sighed.

"Okay, fine," Darcy replied, voice light. Jane watched as her head turned and her eyes settled on none other than Dr. Bruce Banner. "Briefs."

" _Darcy_ ," Jane admonished.

Her assistant simply giggled and moved on to her next target. It was Sam Wilson. "Boxers. Definitely," she made a noise of approval. "Nice ass, too."

Jane forcibly kept from looking.

"Boxers...? No. Commando." Jane nearly choked when she looked up and found Darcy regarding Tony Stark with a raised eyebrow. "Interesting, not surprising."

"How do you even  _know_ that?"

Darcy shrugged. "I dunno. I just do. You think Potts is into that sort of thing?" Jane didn't answer, which she soon regretted because that only meant Darcy was moving on to the next Avenger: Clint. "Boxers, again. Ooh, I think I can see the lining from here! They're purple." She scoffed. "Original, Barton."

"Would you please stop?"

The astrophysicist's question was deftly avoided. Darcy moved on to Thor. "Do Asgardians even wear underwear? Or do they just have a cloth that hangs down in front of their goods like in Ancient Rome or something? Huh? Jane? C'mon, spill."

Begrudgingly (and after a few minutes), Jane grumbled, "He wears boxers."

"Only because you bought him them, probably. You didn't answer my question."

" _Yes_ , alright, cloth-thing."

" _Sweet._ Easy access."

Again, Jane admonished her friend. "Darcy. Stop." _  
_

"I've been saving the best for last," Darcy continued. "I mean, there are so many  _possibilities_ with him. Boxers? Briefs? Boxer-briefs? Tighty-whities?" She gasped, smacking the back of her hand on Jane's shoulder. "Do you think he goes... _howling commando?_ "

"That's a terrible joke."

"Steve Rogers is an mystery, despite how much you learn about him in school. You don't know what he likes to do in his spare time. What's his favorite food? Does he like Beyoncé? Does he even  _know_ who Beyoncé is? And last, but definitely not least, what is going on under those mouth-wateringly tight khakis of his?"

"A lot, I can assure you."

Both Jane and Darcy froze, eyes wide as they turned to look at one another, then at the woman who had just entered the kitchen from the archway behind them. Natasha Romanoff stood there, one eyebrow raised and not bothering to hide her amusement at the expressions on Jane and Darcy's faces; the former equal parts mortified and intimidated (while not directly unfriendly, Natasha had hardly spoken five words to her since they first met after the Battle of New York), the latter partially surprised but mostly in awe. Jane tried to stammer out an apology and drag Darcy away before her friend could get anymore curious and nosy than she already was, but it was too late.

"You're fucking  _joking_ ," Darcy gasped, her voice a loud whisper. "You and Captain America? That's like a million Cold War jokes waiting to happen!"

Jane blanched in horror at her friend's words, but to her surprise, Natasha only laughed. "Believe me, the irony isn't lost on either of us."

"Can you just tell me one thing?" Darcy asked, and the grin on her face made Jane want to crawl into a hole and live out her embarrassment until Thor had Heimdall find her, despite how interested in the topic she had been. "What kind of underwear does Cap wear?"

* * *

The next day, as Jane and Darcy sat in the living room and watched reruns of  _Friends_ , Steve strolled into the kitchen to grab something to eat. Jane noticed the mischievous glint in her friend's eye a little too late.

"Cap, that jockstrap does  _wonders_ for your ass."

Jane nearly choked on her water. " _Darcy!"_

The brunette ignored her. "Oh, and tell Natasha that I said hello!"

* * *

"Did you really tell Darcy that I wear jockstraps?"

"Telling her you wore boxers with the American Flag printed on them seemed liked too old a joke. Besides, how boring is the fact that Steve Rogers only owns underwear that are different shades of blue?"


End file.
